(Further reflections on “Members’ Traits 2.0”—Sunday 11-July-2021)
We are all facing communication breakdown from to time with our own families, loved ones, and fellow Christian brothers/sisters in the church as well as friends in different social circles. Though empathy might not always be the root cause of the breakdowns, it is perhaps somewhat correlated with our understanding and practice of empathy. Most of us, generally speaking, do want to show empathy to our friends and loved ones, but sometimes (if not most of the time), we just don’t know how or perhaps do not quite fully know the differences between empathy and sympathy. On a Dictionary level, they seem to overlap in their definitions. For example, “Sympathy” (n.) is feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune; understanding between people; common feeling; the state or fact of responding in a way similar or corresponding to an action elsewhere. And “Empathy” (n.) is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. These definitions do not seem to help us how to practically live it out. Thus, drawing from psychology comes handy. It helps us to distinguish the languages/expressions between the two.
Empathy says, “I feel how you feel” while sympathy says, “I know how you feel.”. Empathy makes no judgment (this doesn’t mean it condones (if in case) wrong/sinfulness) while sympathy tends to give a lot of judgement. Empathy simply listens while sympathy gives unasked advice. Empathy takes off one's shoes and puts oneself into the other’s shoes while sympathy tends to understand whatever one’s feeling from its own perspective. Empathy says, “I can understand how it feels. It must be really hard,” while sympathy utters, “Poor you.” Empathy is sensitive to all kinds of non-verbal cues (which generally are harder for men than women) while sympathy overlooks subtle signs and only takes surface meaning. Empathy acknowledges both its own and other’s emotions while sympathy tends to suppress its own as well as other’s feelings.
Now the above comparison just simply showed us that they are different, but do not necessarily condemn one over the other. However, empathy (with recent studies/researches) seems to show its effectiveness in communication in various contexts. No surprise, God’s word had been instructing God’s people to practice “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Rom 12:15) for thousands of years and continue to call Christ’s followers to exercise it in the Body of Christ. Having received the full list of God’s call/command to His people, specifically members of Christ’s Body—the local church to live out their Christlike traits (review “Members’ Traits 1.0 & 2.0” messages) and engage with psychology, I would like to propose this tentative framework (drawing out from Romans 12:15 in its context) for guiding us in living out our Christlike empathy. “Empathy is the call to truly be one with Christ and other fellow Christians. It is a command to hold a merciful, gracious, loving space for others to feel their own emotions completely through the lens of God’s word and be able to understand and process their experiences.” One caveat remains. There will still be people who (quietly) say to themselves, “This might work for others, but not for me.” I will agree with you, because it is true that God’s mercy, love, and grace will only work for those who desperately need them!
In His mercy, love, and grace,
—
Pastor Lap
Comments